Let Go

I just can’t.

Yes, I’ve let go of the toxic things and people that eat away at my happiness and I thought that I was done. I was done with this whole process of “finding happiness”. However, I have come to realize just how wrong I am.

I have yet to let go of all my insecurities.

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Rainy Days

RAINY

It’s been raining a lot recently here in the Philippines, so much so that I am being awoken at 2am at times because of the raging storm happening outside my window. It’s actually pretty scary at times because the electricity might go out and we all know how crazy I can get when I am deprived of wifi.

But when it’s only moderately raining and we experience quite chilly weather. It’s quite a nice change  from the scorching heat that we usually experience here in the Philippines. I like to take the time to reflect on myself and just listen to the pitter patter of the rain. I find it really relaxing and I especially love seeing the rain clear up.

I feel like I can relate to the rain because for a certain period of time it’s dark and it lets up for a little while but it becomes dark all over again. It reminds me that in our moments of “weakness” we can find ways to find the good in them. We always think about the negatives like flooding and everything but there are also some positive points there, one just has to look for them.

I’ve learned to like rainy days. I love seeing the droplets that are left behind and I love seeing the little imprints that they leave. I like to think that they wash away all of the bad memories or all of the “dirt” that are on us. After all the rain, we are washed away along with the rain.

That’s all I have to say for now.

xoxo
Hart

Catching Up with Hart

SODA (1)

If you’ve been on this blogging journey with me for a long while now, I already feel really bad and I know that even though I’m on my summer vacation I haven’t been on top of this blog. I am truly really sorry. If this is your first time reading one of my posts, join us on our journey! Hello everyone! ( I sound like I feel like lots of people will be reading this but I just want to hope for the best.)

I don’t really have a good excuse for my absence BUT hopefully I’ll be able to blog a lot to not only express myself but to also share my experiences. I really hope you can learn from all my f-ups. Seriously. I am trying to make all the graphics that I will be posting here and I really need to post top quality blog posts that contain some of my sweat and tears. Tears because I am so goshdarn proud of what I managed to produce.

I may not be able to post very frequently but I will try to post once a week. Just because I am out and about – at the gym five times a week. Yes, I am finally trying to get into shape. Then I go on meetings and I try to study and brush up on my math because everyone knows that math is my worst subject ever. I also have a new fashion/lifestyle/beauty blog if anyone is interested. 😉 It isn’t on WordPress though because I wanted to try another interface and so far it’s been pretty good but I like WordPress better in a way.

Okay so this is me shamelessly advertising my other blog but hey this is me guys. If you want to check out my other blog then here it is : http://glenicecloset.blogspot.com/

I only have one blog post so far but I am already producing some other posts like my skincare routine and my “every day makeup” routine and all that jazz. I might do some DIY’s as well. *wink*

I think I’m just really trying to keep myself busy because as you may probably know, I am broken hearted and it sucks BUT I learned to live with a gaping hole in my heart. Actually it’s easy because I don’t see him but you just get these flashbacks. Those flashbacks suck because I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember the happy memories because that would make it hurt even more.

I’m actually dedicating my new Wattpad story to this little incident. I’m still on the plotting process but I’ll be making 98% of what happens fictional. But the story will hold some truth, I’ll tell you guys that.

I am so sorry for this very boring blog post but I’ll be coming out with interesting ones!

xoxo,
Hart

“Eleven Hints for Life”

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose
it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

-UNKOWN

Hi guys! I just really think this is important and even though I didnt write it, it is the message from my heart. props to the person who wrote this! CREDS TO THEM!

xoxo.
Hart

message for the one who dropped me

First of all, even though I know that you will never get a chance to set your eyes on this. (meaning my thoughts and feelings) I think that’s what makes it easier for these words to come out. But maybe a sudden burst of courage will compel me to randomly leave you a link to this blog post. We both know I’m crazy and spontaneous.

<please excuse the lack of flow here because it’s just that my thoughts are all over the place and that will probably make this blog post a tad bit messy. hihi>

When you said what you  had said, I couldn’t believe it. For the longest time I refused to believe it. I kept trying to find all these “positive” possibilities of what you could have meant. I waited and waited but to no avail. Do you know how that made me feel? Do you even care about how I feel? Waiting and doing everything for one person and going no where really does something to a person. I became bitter.

At one point it was as if you had left me in the backseat of your car. I was a tuna sandwich that you bit into and forgot about once you saw all the yummy hamburgers the world has to offer. <and yes i still love food, you didnt take that away from me> Do you know how it felt to have you ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and to see you on your social media openly flirt with other girls. I thought that you were doing it on purpose. I thought that you were trying to hurt me, but it turns out that that is just who you are. 

I don’t blame you for anything. I didn’t have any regrets because at one point you made me happy and I hope that I made you happy as well. But after a lot of thinking, I have come to realize that I do have some regrets. I regret letting you do that to me. I regret feeling sorry for myself. I regret thinking that there was something wrong with me and spending all those lonely nights trying to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with me. I regret getting attached to you. most of all, I regret falling for you because you made me believe that you were going to be there to catch me. Look what happened to me now. 

Regardless of what had happened, I want to thank you for all the memories. I want to thank you for showing me what I deserve and what I dont deserve. Thank you for all the time that you spent on me because even though I could give you everything back, <i didnt but if you want it all back then okay>, your time is something that I can never give back to you. Thank you for showing me that in life people change and that it is not my fault. Thank you for caring about me once upon a time. I hope you find the happiness that you never found with me.

Good luck with your life! <darn that sounded mean haha i’m starting to think this whole post sounds mean>

xoxo,
Hart

—–

okay so, as you guys can tell this is a post that gave me closure. my hearts feels so much lighter now.

On Acceptance

Okay so. I’m not exactly “allowed” to be sharing the exact details and I don’t think I’m allowed to say what happened. In this situation, I had a lot of trouble accepting reality and that’s why I ended up getting … Continue reading

cheers to the war inside my head.

my jam : “i’m gonna show you crazy” – bebe rexha

before you dive into this interesting (hopefully) post, go check that song out and listen to it. it just screams HART!

anyway, i would like to warn you that i will ramble about my life and my future plans and everything else in between. that means that this post might seem like it is all over the place, but maybe i did that on purpose. for those who have been with me on this blogging journey, you know that i have broken my new years resolution. i didn’t really blog since the new year started but i have semi-valid reasons. we’ll slowly unravel these said reasons.

i have been feeling under the weather lately. honestly i mean this emotionally and physically. i have been really drained from finals and i am not the best at time management. i am now nearing the end of my senior year in high school and it has been hectic. emotionally, i am not feeling the best. i have been having these constant insecurities about my “friend” and i know that i shouldn’t be. i cant really dive into this topic because it is all need to know information but to keep things simple. i am emotionally unstable.

leaping out of my comfort zone. okay guys. are you ready for this? i am thinking about opening up an online store on instagram where i sell a lot of the things that will handmade. the online shop will also feature some shirts or dresses or any other type of clothing that i will design myself. i really want it to have a very clean look and i want it to be a wee bit tumblr-ish. my summer will be 5 months long so i will have lots of time to invest on my new business venture. i’m just really excited. (and yes this is me. shamelessly advertising) filipinos who are interested to know more, feel free to just comment or contact me via email.

catching up with a new friend. okay so for this part i don’t really mean this literally. since i have been very busy with life, i haven’t had the time to pour my heart and my soul into my writing. actually my writing hasnt really reflected who i am lately but i am actually working on a piece that i’m actually pretty proud of it and im just saying that maybe it’s worth the read. i’m HartGap on wattpad if any of you are interested but the books that i have on there aren’t really good.

anyway, i am really just out of it. i guess this is me trying to let some steam out. thanks for your time guys. i really do appreciate all the support.

xoxo.
hart

Grateful.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Happy Holidays!

Now, I know I’m a little bit late. Here in the Philippines, it’s already December 26th and I just got home from a wonderful day out with my brother. First of all, I know that I am very blessed and I am really really grateful for everything that I have. I am grateful for being able to spend the Holidays with my family, friends and my special guy friend ( even though we aren’t quite together we’re really tight if you know what I mean.)

I  am also really really grateful for all of my wonderful bloggies. I love everyone who supports me. I also love everyone who takes the time to read these little thoughts of mine. A year ago I only got a couple of reads ( if I got lucky maybe I would get 3) and I would only get likes once in a blue moon but I feel like my writing skills have improved and I would like to thank everyone. Thank you for everyone who is joining me on my blogging journey and thank you for everyone who has been on this journey with me since day one.

Let’s be real, when most of us think of Christmas, we think about presents but essentially it’s a time of giving and a time of reflecting about all of the things that we have and things that we have done for others. I know that sometimes it’s hard to do things for others but we do not need reasons to help others. I have made a quote picture and I am really really proud of it. Just saying and this is it :

wow

This is really true guys. Live by these words. 😉

Anyway whew. Today I went shopping with my brother and I wanted to get a really great gift for my special friend. If you want to know what I got, then a blog post will be uploaded sometime this week on my beauty blog. hihi 🙂

Here is the link to the blog itself : https://heartsbeautyblog.wordpress.com/

#shamelessselfadvertising

Anyway right now it’s kind of a loser blog but I will be coming back to it with better graphics, better thumbnails and better content. I promise! 🙂

I would like to wish you guys a safe and happy holidays! I am extremely grateful to you guys and if you guys would like to talk then shoot me a comment! (Filipino teenagers hit me up!) <I am not saying that if you’re not Filipino don’t hit me up, I just wanted to see if any Filipinos would stumblr upon this blog post!>

xoxo,
Hart

Peaks and Valleys

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Hi guys! How are you guys? I always feel the need to ask you ( an awesome person who took time to read this post) how you are because I feel like we’re having a conversation. It feels amazing.

I have been gone for such a long time but like everyone’s life, mines was pretty crazy these past few weeks. I’m not even joking when I say crazy. A lot of tears were shed.

Anyway, as you probably don’t know I have a special friend. The kind of friend that has the ability to wake the butterflies from their slumber and when those butterflies are awake, they are all over the place. Yes guys it’s true.

This may be shocking but little immature Hart has a special friend. We’ve been friends (I’m not joking when I say we’re friends because that”s all we are. Friends.) for four now and we’ve been special friends for a couple of months now but to be honest the past few weeks have been a bit… rocky.

Let me enlighten you guys because you must be curious (or confused). Either way I want to explain myself because I think that this form of expression will be healthy for me to do.

First of all let’s get this cleared up, J is the initial for my special friend. Also do you guys remember egg and eggplant? Yeahp they are the cause of the problem. *If you have no idea who egg is or who eggplant it, you can just try to find it in my previous rants. They are just basically the people who tried **tries** to ruin me.*

J is friendly with egg and eggplant, in fact he is TOO friendly with them. Of course as his special friend I don’t feel very comfortable about that. That is why every time he goes off to be extra friendly, right after he does that I ignore him. I feel really bad for ignoring him but I just can’t face him. Especially since he decides to be especially with the people that try to hurt me in every possible way they can. What hurts is that they are so good at it. They try to turn everyone against me without people knowing what they’re doing. It is just so frustrating and it just hurts. When I told J that he basically told me to to drag him into it and that I should dust forgive them. He just doesn’t understand me and I refuse to think that he doesn’t care.

It hurts to think that and right now we’re okay but then those thoughts still haunt me. He said that if I trusted him then things wouldn’t be this way. I trust him but when you abuse trust it just chips off piece by piece. What if egg and eggplant want to take J away from me? It just sucks.

One night when eggplant attacked me I sent J an  angry text that came with an explanation. I basically said something along the lines of how God might have made a mistake when it came to me and maybe they had the right to emotionally kill me. And all he said that he was sorry.

That implied that he is on their side and that they should just continue to do that. He’s telling me that they matter more to him than I do to him. It just hurts to think that and I know you’re thinking “If it hurts to think it  , then stop.” Well my friend it isn’t that easy.

It just hurts but for now I’ll roll with it no matter ho much it hurts. What do you think I should do?

Till our next conversation,

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The Struggles

THE STRUGGLES

Hey guys! It has been such a long time. I have been itching to write and post something decent for you guys but my studies have prevented me from doing so. Yes, this time I finally have a good reason.

FIrst of all, I would like to say that I am trying so hard to give you the best content that I could possibly give you. I want to try to make amazing posters and banners then I just want to produce amazing blog posts. To be honest, even though that poster up there isn’t all that amazing, I spent the whole afternoon on it. I am still trying to figure it out so that I will be able to get better and the graphics will be better.

Now for the actual blog post, exams stressed me out. I broke out and pimples were starting to come out of no where and they were multiplying each day. I don’t want to brag but I only get hormonal blemishes. Does that make sense? I felt bad and looked bad the entire week. That my friends is one of the many struggles of being a student.

Honestly learning is so much fun. My parents have always been drilling it into my head that in order to be successful, you have to study hard. (Typical Asian Parents) I don’t want anyone to take offence because most of the most successful people in the world didn’t finish school and success depends n how much a person wants to succeed. That’s for another blog post. *wink*

Anyway students are expected by most people to devote all of their time to their studies. Now that makes perfect sense because we’re at school 90% of the time. Then again if we’re there 90% of the time why would we want to study when we get home? Where can we find the energy and motivation? Nevertheless, we still study at home. I personally study because I have a huge fear of failing. When I feel like I’m not prepared for a test, I start tearing up.

Also, we still have to face social pressures and problems. Honestly, I have fake friends and it’s just a part of life. If you don’t have any fake friends, it’s either you’re lucky or those people are hella good at hiding whatever they feel about you. I swear. If you know how I feel or if you’re curious and you want to ear about how I am dealing with it, I will be posting about it in my new “segment”. *cough* The Lovely Hearts Club *cough* hihihi ❤

As teenagers our hormones are kind of just all over the place. We’re stressed out a lot trying to meet deadlines and it’s just crazy. We’re often sleep deprived because procrastinating is like an epidemic. It destroys students. It isn’t even funny.

Also crushes kill me and probably a whole bunch of people out there. I always end up really upset but I get over them quite quickly. I think it’s because I have a wonderful system.

This was taken in the car because I had to run some errands with my parents. #dedication

This was taken in the car because I had to run some errands with my parents. #dedication

xoxo,
Hart

*mwaah*