message for the one who dropped me

First of all, even though I know that you will never get a chance to set your eyes on this. (meaning my thoughts and feelings) I think that’s what makes it easier for these words to come out. But maybe a sudden burst of courage will compel me to randomly leave you a link to this blog post. We both know I’m crazy and spontaneous.

<please excuse the lack of flow here because it’s just that my thoughts are all over the place and that will probably make this blog post a tad bit messy. hihi>

When you said what you  had said, I couldn’t believe it. For the longest time I refused to believe it. I kept trying to find all these “positive” possibilities of what you could have meant. I waited and waited but to no avail. Do you know how that made me feel? Do you even care about how I feel? Waiting and doing everything for one person and going no where really does something to a person. I became bitter.

At one point it was as if you had left me in the backseat of your car. I was a tuna sandwich that you bit into and forgot about once you saw all the yummy hamburgers the world has to offer. <and yes i still love food, you didnt take that away from me> Do you know how it felt to have you ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and to see you on your social media openly flirt with other girls. I thought that you were doing it on purpose. I thought that you were trying to hurt me, but it turns out that that is just who you are. 

I don’t blame you for anything. I didn’t have any regrets because at one point you made me happy and I hope that I made you happy as well. But after a lot of thinking, I have come to realize that I do have some regrets. I regret letting you do that to me. I regret feeling sorry for myself. I regret thinking that there was something wrong with me and spending all those lonely nights trying to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with me. I regret getting attached to you. most of all, I regret falling for you because you made me believe that you were going to be there to catch me. Look what happened to me now. 

Regardless of what had happened, I want to thank you for all the memories. I want to thank you for showing me what I deserve and what I dont deserve. Thank you for all the time that you spent on me because even though I could give you everything back, <i didnt but if you want it all back then okay>, your time is something that I can never give back to you. Thank you for showing me that in life people change and that it is not my fault. Thank you for caring about me once upon a time. I hope you find the happiness that you never found with me.

Good luck with your life! <darn that sounded mean haha i’m starting to think this whole post sounds mean>

xoxo,
Hart

—–

okay so, as you guys can tell this is a post that gave me closure. my hearts feels so much lighter now.

On Acceptance

Okay so. I’m not exactly “allowed” to be sharing the exact details and I don’t think I’m allowed to say what happened. In this situation, I had a lot of trouble accepting reality and that’s why I ended up getting …

cheers to the war inside my head.

my jam : “i’m gonna show you crazy” – bebe rexha

before you dive into this interesting (hopefully) post, go check that song out and listen to it. it just screams HART!

anyway, i would like to warn you that i will ramble about my life and my future plans and everything else in between. that means that this post might seem like it is all over the place, but maybe i did that on purpose. for those who have been with me on this blogging journey, you know that i have broken my new years resolution. i didn’t really blog since the new year started but i have semi-valid reasons. we’ll slowly unravel these said reasons.

i have been feeling under the weather lately. honestly i mean this emotionally and physically. i have been really drained from finals and i am not the best at time management. i am now nearing the end of my senior year in high school and it has been hectic. emotionally, i am not feeling the best. i have been having these constant insecurities about my “friend” and i know that i shouldn’t be. i cant really dive into this topic because it is all need to know information but to keep things simple. i am emotionally unstable.

leaping out of my comfort zone. okay guys. are you ready for this? i am thinking about opening up an online store on instagram where i sell a lot of the things that will handmade. the online shop will also feature some shirts or dresses or any other type of clothing that i will design myself. i really want it to have a very clean look and i want it to be a wee bit tumblr-ish. my summer will be 5 months long so i will have lots of time to invest on my new business venture. i’m just really excited. (and yes this is me. shamelessly advertising） filipinos who are interested to know more, feel free to just comment or contact me via email.

catching up with a new friend. okay so for this part i don’t really mean this literally. since i have been very busy with life, i haven’t had the time to pour my heart and my soul into my writing. actually my writing hasnt really reflected who i am lately but i am actually working on a piece that i’m actually pretty proud of it and im just saying that maybe it’s worth the read. i’m HartGap on wattpad if any of you are interested but the books that i have on there aren’t really good.

anyway, i am really just out of it. i guess this is me trying to let some steam out. thanks for your time guys. i really do appreciate all the support.

xoxo.
hart

Grateful.

Happy Holidays!

Now, I know I’m a little bit late. Here in the Philippines, it’s already December 26th and I just got home from a wonderful day out with my brother. First of all, I know that I am very blessed and I am really really grateful for everything that I have. I am grateful for being able to spend the Holidays with my family, friends and my special guy friend ( even though we aren’t quite together we’re really tight if you know what I mean.)

I  am also really really grateful for all of my wonderful bloggies. I love everyone who supports me. I also love everyone who takes the time to read these little thoughts of mine. A year ago I only got a couple of reads ( if I got lucky maybe I would get 3) and I would only get likes once in a blue moon but I feel like my writing skills have improved and I would like to thank everyone. Thank you for everyone who is joining me on my blogging journey and thank you for everyone who has been on this journey with me since day one.

Let’s be real, when most of us think of Christmas, we think about presents but essentially it’s a time of giving and a time of reflecting about all of the things that we have and things that we have done for others. I know that sometimes it’s hard to do things for others but we do not need reasons to help others. I have made a quote picture and I am really really proud of it. Just saying and this is it :

This is really true guys. Live by these words. 😉

Anyway whew. Today I went shopping with my brother and I wanted to get a really great gift for my special friend. If you want to know what I got, then a blog post will be uploaded sometime this week on my beauty blog. hihi 🙂

Here is the link to the blog itself : https://heartsbeautyblog.wordpress.com/

#shamelessselfadvertising

Anyway right now it’s kind of a loser blog but I will be coming back to it with better graphics, better thumbnails and better content. I promise! 🙂

I would like to wish you guys a safe and happy holidays! I am extremely grateful to you guys and if you guys would like to talk then shoot me a comment! (Filipino teenagers hit me up!) <I am not saying that if you’re not Filipino don’t hit me up, I just wanted to see if any Filipinos would stumblr upon this blog post!>

xoxo,
Hart

Peaks and Valleys

Hi guys! How are you guys? I always feel the need to ask you ( an awesome person who took time to read this post) how you are because I feel like we’re having a conversation. It feels amazing.

I have been gone for such a long time but like everyone’s life, mines was pretty crazy these past few weeks. I’m not even joking when I say crazy. A lot of tears were shed.

Anyway, as you probably don’t know I have a special friend. The kind of friend that has the ability to wake the butterflies from their slumber and when those butterflies are awake, they are all over the place. Yes guys it’s true.

This may be shocking but little immature Hart has a special friend. We’ve been friends (I’m not joking when I say we’re friends because that”s all we are. Friends.) for four now and we’ve been special friends for a couple of months now but to be honest the past few weeks have been a bit… rocky.

Let me enlighten you guys because you must be curious (or confused). Either way I want to explain myself because I think that this form of expression will be healthy for me to do.

First of all let’s get this cleared up, J is the initial for my special friend. Also do you guys remember egg and eggplant? Yeahp they are the cause of the problem. *If you have no idea who egg is or who eggplant it, you can just try to find it in my previous rants. They are just basically the people who tried **tries** to ruin me.*

J is friendly with egg and eggplant, in fact he is TOO friendly with them. Of course as his special friend I don’t feel very comfortable about that. That is why every time he goes off to be extra friendly, right after he does that I ignore him. I feel really bad for ignoring him but I just can’t face him. Especially since he decides to be especially with the people that try to hurt me in every possible way they can. What hurts is that they are so good at it. They try to turn everyone against me without people knowing what they’re doing. It is just so frustrating and it just hurts. When I told J that he basically told me to to drag him into it and that I should dust forgive them. He just doesn’t understand me and I refuse to think that he doesn’t care.

It hurts to think that and right now we’re okay but then those thoughts still haunt me. He said that if I trusted him then things wouldn’t be this way. I trust him but when you abuse trust it just chips off piece by piece. What if egg and eggplant want to take J away from me? It just sucks.

One night when eggplant attacked me I sent J an  angry text that came with an explanation. I basically said something along the lines of how God might have made a mistake when it came to me and maybe they had the right to emotionally kill me. And all he said that he was sorry.

That implied that he is on their side and that they should just continue to do that. He’s telling me that they matter more to him than I do to him. It just hurts to think that and I know you’re thinking “If it hurts to think it  , then stop.” Well my friend it isn’t that easy.

It just hurts but for now I’ll roll with it no matter ho much it hurts. What do you think I should do?

Till our next conversation,

Back to School jitters

This is just so stressful. I am currently in this place where you don’t take SATs or one uniformed exam for all of the Universities. You have to apply for the University and then you have to go there to take their special entrance exam. It’s basically pretty crazy.

I am only applying to the BIG FOUR. MY dream school *here* is Ateneo. I would love to study at THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO but the circumstances aren’t allowing me to do so. Anyway I am panicking because the entrance exam for Ateneo is on month away and everyone is fighting for a slot. They look at everything in your profile and they make you write an impromptu essay as well as an essay that you submit alongside your application. I don’t have much time (or any time at all) to study for this exam and I am the worst in math.

Okay but enough with this kind of rant, school already started for me but I have been thinking about new DIYs for the new year. All of them have something to do with organizing and getting better grades and all that stuff.

The first thing I want to do is to make my own planner. Well technically I will print out my own planner and bind it myself with a spiral ring thingie and then buy clear white plastic flaps to make it sturdier.If that doesn’t work out I plan on basically going to Starbucks a lot and buying at least 18 drinks so I can get their planner. I am so basic I know.

The next thing I plan on doing is to make my own DIY corkboard or wall organizer. If I do get on doing that then I will basically either film or do a DIY on here! Wee! That would be really really fun!

Anyway and I love STATIONARY so I have a big collection and I need to start organizing my stuff. That’s why I’m going to be doing A LOT of DIYs for room organization and stuff! HOORRAY FOR DIYs!

anyway, sorry for the boring blog post today!

xoxo,
Hart

Self-motivation.

Okay guys. First of all I have a little confession to make.

When I first read the quote “Some people give up. Some will try.” I thought that it meant that some people give up and some will try to give up. It makes perfect sense right? And no, I am definitely not trying to be funny but that would be a good bonus though if you know what I mean. *wink*

Anyway back to the topic at hand. Self-motivation. What does it mean to motivate one’s self? I know that there is a good chunk of people that rely on other things to serve as their “motivation”. May it be a celebrity or a picture that you’ve found on tumblr , every time you see it you’ll get motivated. I am pretty guilty with doing that. 

I have nothing against that because everybody has their own thing that works for them. I respect that. Here’s my opinion though.

Wouldn’t it be more effective if we motivated ourselves in a snap. I think being able to have the self-control to work harder towards your goal without anyone reminding you is the best thing possible. Yes, seeing other people do better or seeing other people actually achieve the goal could help in that but isn’t it better if it’s purely within yourself? 

This is just a little blurb I’ve decided to write on because I’ll be needing self-motivation for the months to come. Hope this has helped or at least has entertained you!

 

xx
Hart 

omg!

Hey guys! 

Right now I am in the comfort of my cousin’s house using his laptop. That is a reason why I will not have any photos to share with you guys. 😦 

Anyway I have been pretty spontaneous because of two things that I have done.  

1. I’ve started a beauty blog. It will be awesome and I don’t mean to brag but that’s just how it is. 🙂 < http://www.heartsbeautyblog.wordpress.com&gt; Just in case you’re interested. *wink wink* 

2. I’ve made HartsGap an official facebook page! 

It’s now there and I’m still pretty shy about being Hart and I’m still not ready for my friends to know who I am exactly but I’ve asked a really close friend of mine to ‘invite’ her friends to like my page as well! 

Now, I will be asking my friends to do me a favor and maybe give me a thumbs up? You can just go to my main blog website : http://www.hypersquirell.wordpress.com and then n the right side you will see it below my wattpad profile link! Then please give me a thumbs up please?

Also you can go on the facebook website itself *cough* http://www.facebook.com/HartsGap *cough* and click like from here. 🙂

By clicking that like button, you can get updates on what I am about to do. It can hook you up with some sneak peeks! 😉 Also it’s just the beginning so I only have one like. Please do help me!

 

Thanks a bunch guys!

 

xx
Hart 

My version of ‘taking a leap of faith’

Hey guys. I am about to take a leap of faith. I know when you find out how you will possibly pee your pants by laughing at how ridiculous it may sound. I would too if I were to be in your shoes but this is a very serious thing for me and it’s something that I have been wanting to do for a really long time.

I will be starting a beauty blog. 

I have always been interested in skin care and makeup and personal hygiene (don’t judge me teehee) and that lead me to my obsessive Youtube phase where I stalk every single one of the amazing gurus or funny Youtubers. By the way, it’s still going on right now. No regrets.

 

It would mean so much to me it you were to maybe check it out? It’s called Harts Beauty Blog and it has the same url. Yes I am unoriginal but I am dedicated. I have already made the blog itself and I am really excited to fill it up to the brim with content. 🙂

What to expect?

– honest opinions on beauty products

– monthly beauty favourites

– updates with the newest trends

– product review [ maybe it’s the same thing as the first bullet point hehe ]

– tutorials

– morning routines and any other routines. [ might do a prom routine soon guys! ]

 

So please do support me there! It would mean so much!

 

xx
Hart

Lonely Heart Club ❤

Insecurities. 

We all have insecurities whether we like it or not. They’re these nasty creatures that live in the depths of our minds constantly feeding on the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. One thing that I’ve learned is that the more we let it reside and the more we “feed” them the bigger they grow. I think it’s suitable to refer to them as “boabab tree” .[Shoutout to you if you know what I’m referring to or which BOOK I’m referring to. ] 

Anyway I hope you guys ‘like’ this segment of the Lonely Hearts Club because I have been dying to write this and to get it out to you but I haven’t quite figured out how I wanted to execute it. That’s why I’m winging it.I hope you genuinely enjoy this.

I will be sharing my story with you guys even though it isn’t much of a story. Anyway I am insanely insecure and I had a huge problem with apologizing. No, it’s not because I refused to apologize but the opposite. I apologized for everything, even when it was the other son’s fault. Even when I was the one hurt and the other person was laughing at my pain. I know this ties into insecurities because I was so insecure about myself that I felt like everything was my fault. Notice how I used all the past tense? I’ve gotten better now because I learned not to give a donkey’s bum anymore.

I know right now you’re thinking about how this might not be helpful and that it’s childish but I am a 15 year old teenager and this is just how I’ll deal with things. I know it isn’t the best option but I won’t stop caring about all the important stuff, just all the things that  break me down and just makes me feel bad about myself. Especially this one ‘person’. ugh

Anyway another piece of advice that I have for you is to accept your flaws. You need to wrap your head around the fact that you have these flaws but everybody has them. These flaws make you unique and make you more interesting. These flaws can be something that other people adore about you. They will always be a part of you (most of the time) .

Another helpful tip is to love yourself and I have already stressed this topic too much during my first post on the Lonely Hearts Club so feel free to check that out. Yes this is me shamelessly advertising myself. 🙂

Anyway here are some photos (that belong to their owners) to kind of just help me emphasize. They do say a picture holds a million words or something like that. :))

xx

Hart